Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Sideways To The World

In 42 years on this earth I’ve learned that life isn’t necessarily what you make of it. Sometimes things are actually out of your control. How you choose to deal with those things is what makes or breaks you.

I’ve had breaks and I’ve been broken. Some cracks don’t magically heal over and some wounds can’t be fixed with a band aid. But sometimes a bullet wound can be patched enough to live another day. Slightly weaker, but still alive.

I have had 8 addresses in 5years. Each move broke me, built me up and broke me again. More restarts on my life I lost count. But here I am still trucking along.

Anyone who knows me knows one of my biggest personal problems is that I live in the past. The good past and the bad past. They are not mutually exclusive. My past has destroyed me in many ways but it’s also given me some of my greatest memories.

This all may sound like a lot of drivel to many people but to some hopefully it rings true. 7 months ago the only end in sight I saw was not a happy answer. 2 months ago I didn’t think anything was possible. Today I’m still here and looking forward.

Recently I made a big mistake. Not a mistake I regret, but rather the method I went about correcting that mistake. The end result is good but the road taken I’m sorry about. But I will have another day to work it out. I’m just grateful for the chance to right my wrong.

I need to get back to writing because I realize I was good at it. It was painful, it was raw and it hurt, but it was also honest and true. When I’m dead and gone, in the end, I had a story to tell. Sometimes I even inspired.

There is a world out there and a life worth living. I just need to know how to integrate myself in it. I’m tired of being sideways to the world, I think I want to live in it instead…

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